HEHS WRITING INITIATIVE

  
   

ACT writing sample prompt:

In some high schools, many teachers and parents have encouraged the school to adopt a dress code that sets guidelines for what students can wear in the school building. Some teachers and parents support a dress code because they think it will improve the learning environment in the school. Other teachers and parents do not support a dress code because they think it restricts the individual student's freedom of expression. In your opinion, should high schools adopt dress codes for students?

In your essay, take a position on this question. You may write about either one of the two points of view given, or you may present a different point of view on this question. Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.

 

Organization / Structure refers to the construction of the essay.  The first thing to look for is appropriate paragraphing. A reader should easily find an introduction, body and conclusion to this essay.

 

In my opinion, teenagers should not have to have a dress code, because it restricts them and takes away a freedom they should have. I'm not talking about clothes that are tight or reveal a student's body, that's understandable. But to inforce a code that tells them they can't wear kahkies or jeans, T-shirts or dress shirts, would clearly enfringe upon their rights.

One of our rights is the right to express ourselves, and if were restricted in what clothes we can wear, it is a clear violation of the basic rights the America was built upon. If these rights are removed, who know where it could lead next.

Dress codes are unfair because some families can't afford uniforms or proper cloths. If we had a dress code, some kids would need a whole new wardrobe—you would need regular clothes for outside of school, plus your uniform or better clothes for school. This is unfair to poorer students.

A dress code is a poor idea because it infringes on our right of freedom of expression and it can be a financial burden put upon students. It would be better if there was no dress code.

 

 

 

 

Focus / Point of View refers to the writer’s ability to maintain a clear and relevant discussion.  When evaluating point of View, the reader is simply deciding how well the writer stays on task.  Because an essay is a short writing assignment with a specific purpose, every sentence must promote or advance that purpose.

 

Elaboration / Support refers to details and examples used to advance the main idea or validate the point of the essay.  This is the area with which the reader may be most concerned since it deals with how well the writer uses the information he has learned.  In this area, the reader decides how well the writer uses information.

 

Conventions / Clarity of Expression refers to the grammar and precision of the writing style.  There should be no concern about being a grammar teacher; the reader should examine the writer’s ability to communicate ideas clearly and effectively.  If the writing style is confusing or if the conventions make it difficult to understand, then there is a problem.

 

Overall Effectiveness refers to how well the writer meets the objectives of the assignment.

 

ACT Scoring Explanation

Essays in this category show developing skill in responding to the task. That is very true of this essay, as it demonstrates much more awareness of writing choices than do the essays which score lower.

The essay takes a position on the issue in the prompt (teenagers should not have to have a dress code), gives reasoning for that position (because it restricts them and takes away a freedom they should have), and further explains the reasoning in order to make his meaning clear (I'm not talking about clothes that are tight or reveal a student's body, that's understandable. But to inforce a code that tells them they can't wear kahkies or jeans, T-shirts or dress shirts, would clearly enfringe upon their rights). However, although the writer recognizes and acknowledges that there may be circumstances in which a dress code is appropriate, he offers no context for his discussion and does not clarify the apparent distinction between a dress code and school uniforms. There is no recognition of a counter-argument.

The writer presents some relevant ideas in the second and third paragraphs, sequencing them appropriately. The third paragraph offers an additional idea (Dress codes are unfair because some families can't afford uniforms or proper cloths) which does not fit in with the essay's focus (a dress code . . . restricts them and takes away a freedom they should have) but which demonstrates the writer is trying to generate support for his position. Ultimately, all four paragraphs contain thoughts that are underdeveloped and examples that are too general to adequately support the writer's claims.

There is a simple organizational structure in this essay that indicates the developing skill of the writer. The organization and sequencing serves to tie ideas together somewhat but the essay lacks transitions, and the conclusion is underdeveloped and lacks focus as a result of the new idea introduced in the third paragraph. Ideas are logically grouped, but there is little evidence of logical sequencing of ideas throughout the essay.

The essay demonstrates a writer beginning to craft language by exhibiting a little sentence variety and clear word choice. Spelling errors and unnecessary shifts of person ("teenagers" are referred to as "they," "we," and "you" in different parts of the essay) distract the reader but these errors do not impede understanding.

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Created by HEHS English Dept.
11/10/2005